Holidays
by pixxistixx4me
Summary: It's Easter (at long last) and Julian has a Game for Jenny to play. Knowing Julian, it's bound to be strange, but, why is her kitchen going crazy?
1. Valentines Day

Valentines Day

Disclaimer: I officially disclaim what I never claimed in the first place.

Authors Note: This is very strange… it came to me at about three o clock this morning, and is bound to be beyond most peoples understanding. 

WARNING! THIS CONTAINS FURBIES ARMED WITH A SALAMI LOG AND A LIGHT SABER!

(It's Valentines Day. Jenny walks into her apartment only to see Julian hanging from her ceiling by a fishing pole dressed as cupid, complete with loincloth, fluffy little wings, and a bow and arrow)

Jenny: What the hell…?

(Julian is busy shooting a couch cushion into submission with his arrows)

Julian: if you haven't noticed, I'm using that cushion for target practice. You should've seen me earlier. I shot a cat and it fell in love with a flagpole. 

Jenny: I see… (Attempts to stifle laughter, but fails miserably. She bursts out laughing at the sight of Julian in a loincloth hanging from her ceiling.)

(The rest of the group walks into Jenny's apartment. Without knocking! The horror!)

(Julian promptly shoots Michael. Michael falls head-over-heels for Dee, whom he saw first)

(Audrey screams and kicks him in the shins)

Julian: Crap! (He shoots Dee)

(Dee sees Zach, and then walks drunkenly towards him, only to drool on his shoulder gazing into his eyes. Zach looks repulsed. Summer looks jealous.)

Julian: Double crap!

Jenny: What the hell do you think you're doing?!

Julian: I have to make everyone from the Games …

Jenny: Didn't catch that last part, what did you say?

Julian: I said, "…" The author didn't think of what she wanted me to say.

(Everyone glares at the author.)

Author: Oh get back to the plot!

Jenny: Plot, what plot?! _You _are the one who put us up to this! It's YOU'RE job to make up the plot!

Author: Oh. Well in that case… (Author types furiously)

(Julian shoots Tom.)

(Tom first sees… Julian?!)

Tom: Oh come 'ere Julikins!

Julian: I AM NOT YOUR JULIKINS! 

(Tom is trying to pull Julian down from the ceiling when in walks a furby armed with a salami log and a light saber.)

(Everyone screams, Tom manages to pull Julian down from the ceiling and gets into a furious tug of war involving Julian's arms with Jenny. When the furby looks at them, they squeak and hide behind Julian, who is rubbing sore shoulders)

Jenny: AHH! It's a furby! Quick! Someone! Get the Raid!

(Summer goes and kicks the light saber out the window for some reason.)

(Everyone runs away from the furby, which means mostly hiding behind couches and, in Tom and Jenny's case, behind Julian.)

Furby: What? No one wants lunch? Oh well. I was gunna cut the salami with the light saber, you know how tough those Bob Evan's brand skins can get. Oh well. Since I can't eat my salami, I'll just have to eat one of you! Who's it gunna be?

(Everyone looks at each other, then pick up Tom and throw him at the furby, and while Tom is fight with a salami-wielding furby, they quickly throw the pair out the window.)

(Jenny wakes up in a cold sweat.)

Jenny: Oh god… No more pineapple-and-zucchini pizza before bed. Ever. 

(Jenny walks into her living room to see Julian hanging from the ceiling in nothing but a loincloth, fluffy white wings and a quiver full of arrows.)

Jenny: Oh dear god…


	2. Groundhog Day

Groundhog Day

Disclaimer: If disclaimers were gold, I'd be rich, cause I certainly own nothing. Except maybe my own twisted sense of humor. 

Authors note: It's me again, and I'm taking the liberty of making immense fun of Julian (no harm intended, I love him to pieces. Die Tom!!!) into my own hands, and having a damn good time doing it, too! 

Summary: Julian is having some problems with his inner rodent…

(Its Groundhogs Day, some time before dawn. Jenny is walking down the main street of Puxatawnee, Pennsylvania, when she sees a crowd gathering at the zoo. Wondering what could be going on at the zoo so early in the morning, she walks over to investigate. She elbows her way through the crowd and sees Julian in a groundhog suit hiding in a hole in the ground.)

(Jenny promptly bursts out laughing. Julian glares at her.)

Jenny: Julian, why the hell are you dressed as a groundhog?!

Julian: Shh! You'll blow my cover!

Jenny: What cover? You are a six-foot tall man in a groundhog suit! Who is _not _going to notice a six-foot tall groundhog?!

Julian: Shh!! The elders don't know that a groundhog isn't supposed to be six feet tall!

Jenny: You still haven't told me why you're in a groundhog suit.

Julian: Well, you see, after I died, I went to hell. More of an atonement for all the rather mean things I did before I gave my soul for you, you know, popping little kids balloons, making it rain on parade days, things like that. So I went to hell, quite a nice place, until you meet the landlord. So anyways, he told me that I have to conquer the world. 

Jenny: And you're going to do that by dressing as a groundhog?

Julian: Exactly! Now you're catching on! And YOU are going to help me!

Jenny: I am? What do you want me to do? Find an armadillo costume and dance at the town meeting just to confuse everyone while you see your shadow and cast everyone into another six weeks of winter where crops will freeze and pipes will burst and all the chocolate factories will burn down? Therefore causing the entire world to sell their souls to keep from dying?

Julian: How'd you know?

Jenny: Why me…? 

Julian: So I'll set about getting the seeing my shadow thing once the sun comes up and you in the mean time can go buy yourself an armadillo costume! It's not just a one-time use kinda costume, you know. You can use it next Halloween! You can go as a giant armadillo and I can go as… a guy in a groundhog suit! That works! Then I can take you back to my haunted house and scare the living daylights out of you ten I will seduce you and drag you into another horrific Game which you cannot win and you will be mine forever and ever and ever and ever… (Julian keeps on like this for a while.)

Jenny: You don't need to drag me back to your haunted house to scare the living daylights out of me. You're doing a fine job of that right now.

Julian: So, when are you going to get an armadillo costume?

(Jenny walks away.)

Julian: Hey! Where ya going?!

Jenny: Later Julian, I'm going to go schedule you an appointment at the psychiatrist's right now. I'll let you know when it is.

Julian: But what about my plot for world domination?!

(Jenny wisely keeps on walking.)


	3. St Patrick's Day

St. Patrick's Day

Disclaimer: I own nothing! So sue me! Wait… that came out backwards… it's SUPPOSED to be DON'T sue me! I do not own Steve Erkle, I do not own MasterCard, I do not own Abercrombie or Express, or Speedo, I do not own the concept of chocolate sauce, ice cream or radioactive fudge. I do, however, own Madame Frumpbottom's House of Garments. It's so wonderful knowing that I own something after all….

Author's Note: Sorry about the lack of update. I've been working on Forbidden Dreams and Promise Unbroken, another fic I'm writing, like a madwoman, plus, I only just figured out what I was going to do in this one… There are some blatant stereotypes in this, but please, no flames, it's all for the sake of humor. 

As a side note, in case you were wondering, Julian never really died. Jenny replaced his runestave with a block of radioactive fudge. Just to let you know. Jenny ended up going out with Julian because Jenny made Julian promise her that he would kick all the older Shadow Men in the pants. Also, he bribed her with a LOT of ice cream. Not to mention himself, of course. 

(Everyone is in Jenny's living room, minus Jenny and Julian. A scream of WHAT!? is heard, promptly followed by a loud smacking sound. Jenny, followed by Julian who is nursing a bright red handprint on his left cheek, walk into the living room. Jenny is in a huff, apparently very angry.)

Dee (trying to stifle the laughter threatening to break through on seeing Julian with a huge handprint on his face): What's up, Sunshine?

Jenny (still very angry, but coherent): This moron here (punctuates with a smack on the shoulder) volunteered us to be on the St. Patrick's Day float!

Summer: Well, what's so bad about that?

Jenny: We have to dress up as leprechauns. 

(Audrey screams, Tom goes bug-eyed, Michael faints, Dee looks _very _scared, Zach looks very stunned and disbelieving, while Summer is overjoyed. Julian, smug and proud of himself, drapes an arm around Jenny's shoulders, which is promptly smacked away.)

Summer: I just _love _leprechauns! What's so bad about that?

Jenny: Julian picked out the costumes. (At this, everyone, save Jenny and Julian, and Michael who is already off frolicking in Unconscious-Land, screams and faints.)

Julian: Well, now that we're alone… (Jenny smacks him and leaves.)

Julian: Hey! What am I supposed to do about these guys?! Jenny? Jenny! JENNY!

(Scene cuts to the day of the parade, right before the unveiling of their float. Jenny, for once, is glad that Julian still had his Shadow-Powers, because it would have taken about two months to finish their float by hand, and even longer to put on their makeup.)

Jenny: NO! NO! I am NOT wearing _that! _

Julian: Well, unless you want to go naked, you have nothing else to wear. Not that I'd _mind _if you went naked… (Julian leers; Jenny smacks him. Again. Hard.) 

Jenny: Well, you could at least sweeten the deal. It's gunna take a _LOT _to get me to wear that!

(Julian leans over and whispers in her ear. Jenny's face is split into a smile, and then she shrieks in delight.)

Jenny: You mean the _whole _thing? (Julian nods.) Whenever I want? (Julian nods again, smiling devilishly.) Wherever I want? (Julian nods yet again.) It's good anywhere? (Julian nods, eyes glinting wickedly.) And it doesn't need batteries? (Julian nods, trying to contain a laugh.)

(Jenny bounces off to go change into her costume, excited and laughing somewhat hysterically. Tom walks on, looking strangely at the hyper Jenny leaving.)

Tom (Thinking the worst.): What… exactly… did you offer her…?

Julian: Chocolate Sauce. Lots and lots of chocolate sauce. And, of course, an unlimited credit card paid for by my pain-in-the-ass elders.

Tom: Do they _know _that they're paying for it?

Julian: No. It's gunna be fun come the end of the month.

Tom: Well, I hope you know what you just got yourself into. Jenny is a _heavy _shopper. Now that I'm not going out with her, practically _all _her clothes come from Express and Abercrombie. When she still belonged to me, all her stuff came from Granny Frumpbottoms House of Garments. 

Julian: Shit! Jenny! Come back! (Julian runs off after Jenny.)

Tom: Wait! What about this costume?! I can't wear this in public! I have an image to maintain, you know! 

Julian (from over his fast-retreating shoulder.): Put it on or I'm sending you back to the golf course! The parrot'll be so very happy to talk to you again!

(Tom gets the message and runs into a dressing room, eager to not go back to the parrot's bad jokes and horrible puns.)

(Audrey and Michael walk in, both fuming, yelling for Julian, who is currently trying to wrestle away a Platinum MasterCard away from Jenny.)

Audrey: JULIAN! GET YOU SHADOW ASS OUT HERE OR I AM GOING TO MAKE YOU WISH YOU NEVER STEPPED OUT OF THAT CLOSET!

(A shriek is heard from the direction of Jenny's dressing room, followed by a thump and a giggle.)

Michael: What are they doing in there…?

(Julian walks out, hair slightly mussed, a sated smile on his face, and slipping a credit card back into his pocket.)

Michael (low, to Audrey): Talk about a quickie…

(Julian death-glares Michael, obviously having heard his comment. Michael shrinks behind Audrey.)

(Audrey giggles, then sobers up as she shakes a mass of green costume in Julian's face.)

Audrey: I am NOT wearing this!!!

Julian (turning his charm on Audrey): Just remember, once this is over, everyone will know your name. Everyone will be so jealous that Audrey Myers got to be on the best float at the St. Patrick's Day Parade. 

(Audrey ponders this, deciding the publicity would probably outweigh the embarrassment. She turns on her heel, dragging Michael along with her. Michael didn't get a chance to complain. Boo-hoo. Julian smirks, and walks back into Jenny's dressing room.)

(Before Julian can actually get IN the room, Zach walks up to him, rage in every line of his face.)

Zach: If you think I am wearing this, you are sadly mistaken!

Julian: Is it the color? 'Cause I can make it darker if you want. Or, if you would prefer, lighter, tighter, and brighter. 

(Zach glares, but decides that he won't be able to get _anything _out of Julian, then stomps off to go change.)

(Julian stands outside waiting, because as soon as he would try to get in, he knew Summer or Dee would come and complain at him. Sure enough, Summer strides over and gives him and huge hug.)

Summer: Julian! It's so cute! But what's that thing for?

Julian: You hold it. And everyone once in a while, you wave it. 

Summer: Ooooooh… I get it! I'll go put it on _right _now!

(Julian gives her a stiff smile, then places his hand on the door, when along comes Dee, furious, fists clenched and steam practically coming out of her ears. Scratch that. Steam actually _was_ coming out of her ears. Oh, never mind, it's just the hot water pipes behind her head.)

Dee: What the _HELL _are you trying to pull!? I am NOT wearing this! It's degrading! 

Julian: Well, if you can't make it into college, you can always go out for acting. If you can pull this off, you can do anything. You don't have to wear it if you're scared to…

(Dee snarled, clearly accepting his obvious challenge, and stalked off to put on her costume.)

(Sighing happily, Julian opens Jenny's door, only to find that she already changed.)

Julian: Dammit! Aww Jenny, you went and ruined my fun… (Julian pouts, putting on a puppy-dog face, lower lip trembling. Jenny bursts out laughing at Julian, who she never thought she would ever see him giving her such a face.)

Jenny: Maybe later Romeo, we have to get going! It's almost time for the parade to start! (Jenny moves toward him though, sliding her hands up and down his thighs. Julian's eyes widen, and Jenny kisses him. Julian suddenly shouts, Jenny backing away in triumph with a Platinum MasterCard held between two fingers.)

Jenny (laughing): Now _you_ need to go change, or else the crowning glory of this whole shebang is going to be going up there in his underwear. 

Julian: It's not like _you _would mind.

Jenny: Touché.

(_Scene cuts to the unveiling of the floats_)

(Muffled shouting is heard from the giant warehouse where the float is soon to emerge. The yells seem to be coming from the vicinity of the dressing rooms. There's a brief shocked silence, and then riotous laughter. The laughter is reaching hysterical when there is a loud BANG and then immediate silence. A single voice breaks the quiet and then the sound of trudging footsteps on concrete, then the more hollow thump of paces on wood. The warehouse door opens, the float still shrouded in blackness.)

Voice of Dee: I still have NO idea how you managed to talk us into this. I mean, this is just sad. Not just sad, but pathetic. And how come Jenny gets the better costume?

Voice of Jenny: Dee, you don't have to wear it. This is embarrassing. Not to mention drafty, uncomfortable, and too tight.

Voice of Julian: The tighter the better.

Voice of Audrey: And why did _you _get to pick the costumes?!

Voice of Julian: Because, I can make things appear and disappear at the drop of a hat. Otherwise, all of you guys would've been broke. 

(There's discontented murmuring from the rest of them, and then the float breaks into sunlight.)

Julian: Places everyone!

(Everyone plasters a smile on their faces and goes to stand in their respective spots. On the bottom tier of the giant green float is Tom, Audrey, and Zach. Tom is dressed as a nerd, complete with thick glasses, pocket protector, Erkle suspenders and dorky shoes, all in a varying shades of lurid green. His hair is cow-licked in the back, and dyed a non-descript shade of dirty green. Audrey is dressed as an I-am-not-a-morning-person, complete with (green) terrycloth bathrobe, and mug (also green) of coffee. There are bright green hair curlers in her reddish (green) hair. Zach, perhaps, is the most embarrassingly dressed of the three. He is in a tight medium green leotard, with green tutu and a green magic wand with a shamrock at the end of it. His once pale hair is now neon green, crowned with a sparkly green tiara, and he is donned in grass-green tights and green satin toe shoes. His face is painted a very pale green, with very dark green lips, and forest green eye shadow.)

Tom (to Zach): This is so degrading…

Zach (angry, but still smiling out at the crowd): Degrading?! _I'M the one in the tutu! _

Audrey: Shh! Just smile and wave. This will all be over soon….

(The three grumble and continue waving and smiling out at the roaring (and laughing hysterically) crowd.)

(The next tier has Dee, Michael and Summer waving and "smiling," except Summer, who is ecstatic. Dee had her velvety hair dyed bright green. She was donned in a pale green plaid bikini with frilly little girl lace. If she had been wearing more, she would have looked like a baby. She even had a green rattle and bonnet, plus a (lime green) pacifier. She was looking extremely pissed behind her green blusher and eyeliner. Michael was dressed in a stifling long deep green robe with a giant hood shadowing his face. Yes, you guessed it, he is Grim Reaper Leprechaun! He comes complete with green scythe with child-safe blade, (made out of green plastic, blunted of course, lest he decide he wants to murder Julian with his costume) eerie-voice-machine, and all-concealing green robe! Buy now, while supplies last! (Contains small parts; not recommended for children under three years of age.) Where Michael was shrouded and concealed, Summer was everything but. She was decked out in skin-tight piece of shimmer-y green leather barely big enough to graciously given the name of a top. She had on a veeerrryyy tiny green leather thong. Around her neck was a spiked collar (green, of course) and dog tags; around her waist was a spiked (green) belly chain. She was wearing cleats, except they were high heels. In her hand was a fifteen foot green leather whip. Her thistledown hair was bound up by a studded band on top of her head, after, of course, being dyed bright green. She was Dominatrix Leprechaun. Every three minutes or so, she would crack her whip over the crowd, startling many people into flight from the deranged leprechaun.)

Dee (To Michael): How can she be so happy?

Michael (from the depths of his hood): I have no idea. I'm just glad no one can see my face. Too bad this damn scythe is blunt. I'd hack Julian into little tiny pieces otherwise.

Dee: That might be a bad idea. Jenny'd kick your ass. 

Michael: Ahh damn. 

Summer (giggling hysterically): Come on guys! This is fun!

(Michael and Dee give her death glares, but she doesn't seem to notice, being too fascinated by a shiny piece of confetti that had landed on her green-tinted nose. Michael and Dee roll their eyes and shake their heads, trying to ignore the fact of the sure social restitution that was sure to come the next day at school.)

(The next tier up housed the crowning glories of the whole float. Jenny and Julian. Jenny, for all her complaints looked marvelous. That is, if looking like a crack-whore who had seen better days could be considered marvelous. She has torn green fishnet stockings, knee high green leather boots with a considerable heel, a torn and dented sinfully short green vinyl miniskirt with slits up both thighs. She had a green belly chain in the considerable distance between low-riding skirt and skimpy sequined tub top, that could only generously be granted more then a scrap of fabric, considering it was at best six inches wide. She held a tattered green feathered boa above her long, slightly dirty pale green gloves that had emerald rings adorning every finger, but some looked like she got them out of grocery store prize dispensers, and the others were bent and needed polishing. She had a thick green velvet choker donned with a green shamrock, with a leaf missing. Her (glittery green) hair was tousled and frizzy, left hanging down her shoulders. She had on thick makeup in shades of green and black. Heavy, dark green, almost black liner brought her eyes into frightening prominence, and her brows were dyed green, to match her hair. She had on large hoop earrings with small shamrocks dangling from the bottoms. She had a small green shamrock stud in her nose, and small silver-green studs lining up the side of her left ear. Julian, for all his elaborateness with the others' costumes, he was surprisingly simple. But simple does _not _mean modest, especially in Julian's case. He had on a tiny, -_very tiny_- Speedo. In the shape of a shamrock. The straps on his hips weren't even straps. They were tiny satin cords. And that was it. He had bright green streaks in his frost-white hair. He seemed completely fine with baring his perfect body to the whole population of Vista Grande. Because he knew if he tried messing with someone, Jenny would kick his ass. Or make him sleep on the couch for a week. Both, in Julian's case, were punishments worse then death.)

Julian: Might I add, Jenny, that you look splendid today?

Jenny: Julian, I would ­_so ­_love to hurt you right now. 

Julian: Save it for later. Unless you ­_like­_ publicity… I know how much you want to get me outa this sorry excuse for a bathing suit…

(Jenny kicks him off the float.)


	4. Easter

Easter

(Or "Attack of the Kitchen Appliances From the Fifth Dimension")

Disclaimer: NOTHING AT ALL IS MINE! MUHAHAHAHAHA! Except maybe my own twisted sense of humor. And maybe the plot. But then again, there IS no plot… I do not own furbies, Speedo, Easter, jellybeans, Godiva, chocolate bunnies, peeps, bad poetry, St. Patrick's Day, Valentine's Day, CandyLand, windows, Bob Evan's style salami, toasters, the Wizard of Oz, German Gummy Bunnies (which are actually Haribo Goldbären on the package. The come in bears and bunnies, but for the sake of humor, they'll be bunnies, god dammit!), cottage cheese, big refrigerators, the Oscars, movie-theatre seats, condoms, leg waxing, history tests, sporks, bras, MasterCard, rug hooks, plastic Easter eggs, the INSPIRATION stick, or the Forbidden Game trilogy by the oh-so-amazing LJS. I _do _however own the giant Mutant Meatloaf Monster from the Twilight Zone Refrigerator, the Amnesiatic Malibu Toaster Penguin, _dehydrated_ salami (not to be confused with regular salami), radioactive fudge logs, THE PLASTIC CAFETERIA SPOON OF DEATH, the SIX FOOT TALL GROUNDHOG SUIT OF UTTER ANNIHILATION, the GREEN LAVA LAMP OF DOOM, Attack Ketchup, The Shamrock, Sweater-Hair, The History Test From Hell, Silverware Drawer from the Fifth Dimension.

Author's Note: It is my best friend Mislotus that smacked me upside the head with inspiration for this. Literally. It was a big stick with "INSPIRATION" written in big red letters on it. And she *actually* beat me in the head with it. Well, maybe not, but you get the idea. 

By the way, I want to thank Shadow and roswellwbfan; you guys have been great!

(_Scene opens the night before Easter in Jenny and Julian's bedroom. (Since he had been brought to the human world, after, of course, the fiasco with the radioactive fudge log, Julian had taken to staying with Jenny, and he claimed that it got too cold at night sleeping on the couch.) Julian is snickering quietly while Jenny is trying to sleep.) _

Jenny (annoyed): Ok, out with it! What's so funny?

Julian (still sniggering): You aren't allowed to wake up until after eight tomorrow.

Jenny: First of all, I wasn't planning on it. But why am I not allowed to wake up until after eight tomorrow, anyways?

Julian (laughing quietly): I'm not telling…

Jenny: Sure you are. (Jenny throws her pillow at Julian's face.)

Julian (good-naturedly angry and mockingly threatening): Oh… this means war…

(The two get into a furious pillow fight, down feathers flying all around the room. Julian ends up tickling Jenny into submission after thwamping her in the face with a pillow.)

Julian: I win! Finally! A Game that you _didn't _beat me at! 

Jenny: Hehe… I even beat you at CandyLand! 

Julian (grumbling): That's only because I got that dumb card that brought me back to that Mr. Plum …thing…

Jenny: Still! I won! Haha! I beat Julian at CandyLand! 

Julian: Bad move, Jenny! (Julian tickles her mercilessly until tears are streaming down her face.)

Jenny: Alright! Alright! I surrender!

Julian (laughing): Now, remember, you are NOT allowed to get up before eight tomorrow!

Jenny: Fine… fine. You win…

Julian: Yay! I win again!

(All of a sudden, Tom enters, armed with the PLASTIC CAFETERIA SPOON OF DEATH. He walks up to Julian with a murderous look in his eye.)

Tom: I am here to death-dual you for Jenny-tickling rights!

(Jenny is looking slightly confused. Julian dons the SIX FOOT TALL GROUNDHOG SUIT OF UTTER ANNIHILATION.)

Julian (looking condescendingly down at Tom from his height advantage of two inches through the furry mask of his groundhog suit): I accept your challenge!

(They begin to death-dual, while Jenny is inching towards her bedside table. While the two are death-dueling, Jenny grabs the GREEN LAVA LAMP OF DOOM and sneaks up behind Tom. She proceeds to beat him over the head with her GREEN LAVA LAMP OF DOOM repeatedly. After he is battered into submission, Julian kicks him out the window. Again. Tom seems to be getting kicked out of windows a lot lately.)

Tom (voice fading as he reaches terminal velocity falling from her apartment): I REGRET NOOOOTTTTHHHIIIINGGG….!

Julian (peeling out of the SIX FOOT TALL GROUNDHOG SUIT OF UTTER ANNIHILATION): Well, that was interesting. Jenny, how many windows have you had to have replaced since Valentine's Day?

Jenny (replacing the GREEN LAVA LAMP OF DOOM on her bedside table): I don't know. A lot. I think about 17. Well I guess you won your Jenny-tickling rights. (pause) Not that Tom ever had a claim on them anyways. 

Julian (leering): And now I think I'll make full use of them… (Julian pounces on the unsuspecting Jenny. Jenny shrieks as she's pinned beneath the Shadow Man.)

(_Scene opens the next morning at eight AM. Jenny is just waking up. Julian is not in the room.)_

Jenny (rubbing sleep from her eyes): Wha…? What the hell…? 

(The room is covered in jellybeans and small chocolates. Every surface, including the floor and bed sheets, is splashed liberally with jellybeans. Next to her in bed is _not _Julian, but a large dark chocolate bunny.)

Jenny: AHH! MY BOYFRIEND TURNED INTO A CHOCOLATE BUNNY!!!

(Deciding that that is _not _very probable, she looks around some more.)

Jenny (gleefully): Ooo! Chocolate! (Jenny notices the jellybeans, and decides to munch on those first. After downing a considerable number of them, she notices a small note on the chocolate bunny.)

Jenny (reading note): "I am a chocolate bunny, coming from your hunny. I got for you, and I hope you won't say adieu. A quest for eggs, but don't make me beg. At the end, is a great old friend." Hmm… Julian really needs to work on his poetry skills. Whatever. I might as well go figure out what he's trying to make me do. 

(Jenny gets up, careful not to squash the jellybeans in the process. She puts on a bathrobe (the green one Audrey had to wear for the St. Patrick's Day parade) and walks down the stairs (yes, her apartment has STAIRS!), following a trail of marshmallow peeps and Godiva chocolates into her living room. On the couch is another chocolate bunny and a card.)

Jenny (reading the card): "Upon reading this note, you have agreed to play my Game. An Easter egg hunt is your quest. With each new egg is a clue for the location of the next egg, plus a little something from me. The time limit is noon. Go over, you lose, do not get to the end, you lose. Your first clue is 'cold'." Hmm… Well, that's easy enough. I wonder what the prize is if I lose… or if I win. (Jenny grimaces.) Lets see… cold… cold… refrigerator! That's it!

(Jenny stalks over to the fridge, taking up the "monster position" from the first Game. She snaps open the fridge, knocking off several letter-shaped magnets on to the tile floor in front of the fridge. A tentacle snaps out and snatches up the magnets. Moist, eating noises ensue.)

Jenny: Gross! Julian, what the hell are you trying to pull!?

(Jenny peeks around the corner of the fridge door. The meatloaf from last Thursday's dinner had come alive!)

Meatloaf: YUM-ME-WANT-MORE! GIVE-MEATLOAF-MORE!

Jenny: AHH! MUTANT MEATLOAF MONSTER! (She quickly composes herself.) Uhh… ok… (Jenny pelts the meatloaf with magnets, trying to lure it out of the fridge so she could look for the next clue. The meatloaf crawls out of the fridge, and Jenny leaps into the fridge, wedging herself (it's a big fridge) between the cottage cheese and the dehydrated salami from Valentine's Day, which the furby had wielded against them, and closing the door. She reaches up to turn on the light. She's no longer in her fridge.)

Jenny: AHH!!! JULIAN! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY REFRIGERATOR!? 

(Julian appears out of nowhere, dressed in a black version of the green shamrock from the St. Patrick's Day parade.)

Jenny: AH! Good Lord Julian! PLEASE put some pants on! Just looking at you is making me cold! (Despite it not being her refrigerator, its still refrigerator temperature.)

Julian (leers lecherously): I can make you warmer…

Jenny: Ugh…Julian! Not now… We're in a Twilight Zone Refrigerator being besieged by leftover meatloaf! By the way… (suddenly suspicious) what do you have against my meatloaf?!

Julian: I didn't do _anything _to your meatloaf. It was like that _before _the Game!

Jenny (eyeing him suspiciously): How can I be sure…?

Julian: I told you, I never lie. But I might… withhold information. 

Jenny: You could be withholding the truth. Besides, don't you _like _my meatloaf?

Julian (blushing, looking somewhat sheepish): Uhh… the answer is… Hey! What's that behind you!? 

(When Jenny looks behind her, Julian promptly runs away, Shamrock-Speedo slipping down dangerously far.)

Jenny: Grr… He is _so _sleeping on the couch tonight!

(Jenny begins poking around the rather cold once-refrigerator, looking for a clue or something. After searching for a considerable amount of time, she finds a *tiny* little pink plastic egg, like what little kids use in their Easter Egg hunts, only three times smaller. Jenny cracks it open, and inside is-)

Jenny (eyes huge): OH MY GOD! JULIAN! GROSS!

(Inside is a condom.)

Jenny (furious): Julian, you have the SICKEST sense of humor out of ANYONE I have _ever _met! Ok (calming down slightly) well… that was either the clue (shudder) or the 'little something' from him. Why is neither one at all reassuring right now…? Even worse, it could be both (shudders again).

(Deciding that it probably _was _both, Jenny starts looking for a way out. Instead, she found another plastic egg, this time neon green, reminiscent of the color of mint chocolate chip ice cream. Cracking it open, Jenny finds birdseed. Wait, no. Bread crumbs. Desist. TOAST crumbs.)

Jenny: Umm… what?

(Jenny, being the moron that she is (mainly because she chose Tom more then once during the Games) slowly realizes that the next clue lies in the toaster.)

Jenny: Aha!! At least the condom wasn't the clue…

(Relieved that she had actually found the clue, Jenny continues her search for a way out. Out of the corner of her eye, she spies the inside of her refrigerator door. The random condiments and soda bottles, along with a tub of cottage cheese are in the little shelve-y thingies. Jenny turns to look at it fully, and it disappears. She turns her head to look at it sideways again, and lo and behold, she can see it. Jenny walks towards the fridge door head down and looking sideways. She, being a moron, runs into the door.)

Jenny (rubbing the top of her head): OW! Damn door… Julian! Your door bit me!

(Jenny looks down, and it's true. The door _did_ bite her. It had her hand trapped (and being slowly munched on) by the ketchup bottle.)

Jenny: AHH! ATTACK KETCHUP! Wait… I don't have any ketchup in my fridge! I don't even LIKE ketchup! JULIAN!!!!!!!! GET THIS KETCHUP OUT OF MY FRIDGE!!!

(Julian appears, this time wearing the Cupid outfit from Valentines Day. He knocks an arrow into the bow and shoots the ketchup bottle. The ketchup bottle (despite the obvious deficiency of not having eyes) sees the pickle jar. The ketchup immediately lets go of Jenny's hand and begins lip (squeeze top?) locking with the pickle jar lid.)

Jenny: Phew! Thanks Juju. 

Julian (blushing madly): Don't call me that!!!!

Jenny: Juju! Juju! JUJU!!

Julian: Agh! STOP! PLEASE!

Jenny: Fine, (under her breath) Julikins. 

Julian (apparently having heard her): NOOO!!! That brings up BAD memories!! (Julian falls to his knees.)

Jenny: Muhahaha…. Bow down slave!

Julian (dawning realization on his face): Hey! This is MY Game!!! Not YOUR Game, MY Game! Bad Jenny! Just for that, I'm not going to tell you what time it is!

Jenny: What time is it?

Julian (not paying attention): Oh, 9:37.

Jenny: Thanks!

Julian (just realizing what he said): Oh shit! I mean, I lied! Yeah! That's it! 

Jenny (eyeing him triumphantly): I thought you never lied?

Julian: I didn't say anything!! I-I… ahhh crap…. (looks pathetic, complete with little sniffles and slight puppy dog eyes and trembling lip. He starts to cry comically.)

Jenny: Aww… I made my poor little Shadow Man cry!! If you must, you can kiss me. 

(Julian springs up, pathetic face and tears forgotten, seemingly discarded like a mask. Which they were. The cardboard tear lines and the battery-powered trembling lip lay in a heap on the ground.) 

(Jenny shrieks, and Julian pounces on her, and immediately begins playing tonsil hockey in Jenny's mouth.)

Jenny (breaking away, and panting slightly): O… k…

Julian (with a satisfied smile on his face): I should cry more often…

(Jenny's eyes widen, and she slowly backs toward the refrigerator door, and runs into it, pushing it open, and falling back, taking the tub of cottage cheese with her.)

Mutant Meatloaf Monster: GIVE-MEATLOAF-MORE-FOOD! MEATLOAF-HUNGRY! MEATLOAF-ANGRY! 

Jenny: AHHH!!! (Jenny throws the tub of cottage cheese at the Mutant Meatloaf Monster, and suddenly-)

Mutant Meatloaf Monster: NOOO! CHEESE-IS-ENEMY! NOOOO!!! MEATLOAF-MELTING! MEATLOAF-MELTING!!! (Mutant Meatloaf Monster does a five-star reenactment of the scene from 'Wizard of Oz,' complete with the wisp of steam after it melts into an icky meatloafy puddle of non-sentient goo. A man pops up handing the puddle of meatloaf mush an Oscar for Best Melting Scene. A row of movie-theatre seats pop up in front and the meatloaf puddle attempts a bow, but it only ends up making a plopping noise.)

(Jenny blinks, confused.)

Jenny: What… just… happened…? 

(Shrugging it off, Jenny steps around the steaming pile of meatloaf and cottage cheese, and makes a beeline for her toaster.)

Jenny: Ok, how am I supposed to go about getting a clue from this? All I got last time was lousy toast crumbs… 

Tiny voice: Hey! You callin' my toast lousy?!

(Jenny looks around for the voice, head whipping comically around. She looks down and sees-)

Jenny (screaming): JULIAN! GET THIS PENGUIN OUT OF MY TOASTER! 

Penguin: WHAT?! I'M IN A TOASTER!!?? AHH!!! GET ME OUTA HERE! 

(Jenny and the Penguin scream for a while, neither accomplishing anything even remotely useful, except making the puddle of Meatloaf goo try to inch toward the sanctity of the Twilight Zone Refrigerator.)

Jenny (calming down slightly): How can you not know that you're in a toaster?

Penguin: Well, it was _warm_ so I thought I was in Malibu! But the last thing I remember was deciding to go on vacation to Malibu! I wound up here, and I thought I was there! I mean, its kind of hard to tell the difference, especially with these big black sunglasses on!

Jenny: So that makes you an Amnesiatic Malibu Toaster Penguin. How… interesting. 

Amnesiatic Malibu Toaster Penguin: So if I really _am _in a toaster, that doesn't explain why you're looking into a toaster!

Jenny: Would you stop talking in exclamation marks? But anyways, Julian, my somewhat… strange… boyfriend, is sending me on this Easter Egg Hunt. He has a big fascination with Games, you see. So the last egg was in the refrigerator, which was being guarded by week-old meatloaf. And the refrigerator, not a refrigerator at all. It was the Twilight Zone Refrigerator. Then, once I got into the refrigerator, after feeding all my refrigerator magnets to the Mutant Meatloaf Monster, Julian was wandering around wearing a shamrock and then I found a condom and a bunch of toast crumbs. Then my hand was getting eaten by a bottle of ketchup, which Julian made fall in love with the pickles. Then I knocked a tub of cottage cheese onto the Mutant Meatloaf Monster, then it kind of… melted. And got an Oscar.

Amnesiatic Malibu Toaster Penguin: …

Jenny: My thoughts exactly. But anyways, are there and plastic Easter eggs in there with you?

Amnesiatic Malibu Toaster Penguin: None that I can see, but you're welcome to come in and look. I might have an extra grass skirt and straw hat lyin' around…

(Jenny looks kind of confused, but nods in agreement. The AMNESIATIC MALIBU TOASTER PENGUIN waves its flippers around and Jenny feels herself shrinking, and she ends up in her toaster. Sadly her clothes did not shrink with her.)

Jenny (trying to cover herself up as best she can): AHH!!! Do you happen to have any spare clothing lying around!?! 

AMNESIATIC MALIBU TOASTER PENGUIN (looking mockingly rueful): Nope. Don't think so. But I _do _have a pair of coconuts and a grass skirt.

(Jenny's eyes widen, but she gratefully takes the rather embarrassing coconuts and grass skirt.)

AMNESIATIC MALIBU TOASTER PENGUIN (turns away obligingly, after leering at her, which Jenny didn't see): You know, there really aren't any Easter eggs down here. 

Jenny (annoyed): Then how come I found _this_ in the coconuts!!??

AMNESIATIC MALIBU TOASTER PENGUIN (is staring, wide-eyed at the bright yellow Easter egg protruding from half of the coconut bra): It wasn't supposed to be there!

Jenny (suspicious): So you _did _know about one!

AMNESIATIC MALIBU TOASTER PENGUIN: I… I… I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING!!

(Jenny stalks up to the AMNESIATIC MALIBU TOASTER PENGUIN and glares at it. She tips off the giant straw hat and rips the sunglasses off of its beak. Surely enough, it's Julian in a penguin costume, complete with fake orange beak, flippers, and orange feet. He was decked out in a Hawaiian-print shirt with pink and white flowers all over it. Along with the scary shirt, he was wearing khaki Capri's and straw thong sandals. He, despite being dressed as an Amnesiatic Malibu Toaster penguin, looked quite sexy.)

Jenny (horrified): YOU SAW ME NEKKID! 

(Jenny screams for a while, running around in circles pulling at her hair. Julian looks slightly nervous, if a little smug at seeing Jenny clothed in the nuddy-pants when she wasn't expecting it. After, of course, ignoring the fact that he spies on her in the shower on many occasions. Jenny runs into a corner of the toaster, and sits down, her hands covering her eyes, knees clutched to her chest, a motion that Julian was sincerely disappointed in.)

Jenny (very fast): I can't see you, you can't see me!!

Julian (rolling his eyes): Jenny…

Jenny (very fast): I can't see you, you can't see me!!

Julian: Jenny, your skirt it falling up. 

(Jenny shrieks, and lets go of her eyes to pull her skirt back in place. In doing this, she forgets that her eyes are no longer covered, therefore she and see Julian. She shrieks again, and lets go of her skirt to cover her eyes, which causes her skirt to fall up again. This goes on for quite a while; in which time Julian gets exceedingly bored with her little "I-can't-see-you-you-can't-see-me" routine. Sighing loudly, he waves his hand and Jenny is clad again in her original clothes. Jenny freezes mid-motion, and peeks out sheepishly from over her hand.)

Julian: Are you done yet?

Jenny: Ehh… hehe… ehhh… (clears throat) So. Why were you dressed as a penguin and hiding in my toaster? And why did you give me coconuts to wear!? I feel degraded! 

Julian (shrugging): Meh. You have to admit, you _were _pretty sexy in those coconuts… (leer)

Jenny (slightly scared): Eww… Julian! Get your mind outa the gutter! But anyways, why did you hide an Easter egg in a coconut bra inside a toaster? I mean, even by _your _standards, that doesn't make sense.

Julian (kind of pissed): How would _you_ know what my standards are? I am a _very _strange person.

Jenny (interested): Oh… How so?

Julian (kind of distracted): Well, there's that fetish I have with sporks… and rug hooks… and then there's my underground leg-waxing ring…

Jenny (almost bursting with the laugh she was containing): I… see… 

(She can't hold it in anymore, and she explodes in laughter. Tears are streaming down her face, and she's in conniptions, laughing so hard. Julian looks horrified at telling her about his underground leg-waxing ring, and his inane fetishes. He quickly formulates a plan. He snaps his fingers and he is holding the bright yellow Easter egg in his hand, it having disappeared from Jenny's.)

Jenny: Wh… Wha… HEY! GIVE THAT BACK!

Julian: I told you mine, you tell me yours. Then you can get the egg back. 

(Jenny blushes furiously. She tries speaking once or twice, but fails miserably. She apparently had trouble taking in the demand. After sputtering for a while, she finally gets her mouth working again.)

Jenny (haltingly): I… umm… umm… 

Julian: Yes…? Hurry it up! Time is ticking… and I have a customer in another half hour… legs like a fur rug… mmm…. rug hooks….

Jenny (shuddering): Gross… Anyways… I have a _serious_ thing for hott Shadowmen with white hair and blue eyes. 

Julian: Aww! How sweet! 

Jenny (teasing): I didn't mean _you._

Julian (glaring at her): Maybe I shouldn't give you the egg then… 

Jenny (rolling her eyes): Oh, well, you're no fun. Besides, I _am _playing by the rules. You told me yours, I told you mine. And now you have to give me the egg. You said it yourself. 

Julian (grumbling): Fine… fine…

(Julian hands Jenny the yellow egg, and Jenny kisses him deeply. Julian looks stunned.)

Jenny: I _was _joking, you know. You would think that after thousands of years of being in existence, you would learn how to take a joke. Yeesh. 

(There's a small silence, Julian still reeling slightly, and Jenny content in her small victory.)

Jenny: Question. Since you can conjure things up at the snap of a finger, how come you can't just summon up a sense of decency? Those coconuts were _veeerrry _uncomfortable.

(Julian glares at her, trying to think of what to do to her to get back at her.)

Jenny: Hey! _You _try wearing a pair of coconut shells!! But then again, that wouldn't do anything for you unless you wore 'em _down there_. Hehe… Let's make a Game of it. Lets see how long each of us can wear some coconuts. Winner… hmm… (Jenny ponders a possible prize. The egg couldn't be it, considering she already _had_ the egg. She smiles evilly as she gets an idea.)

Julian (slightly nervous): I don't exactly like that look on your face. What are you thinking…? But then again, it might be safer if I _don't _know…

Jenny: Loser has to cross-dress. And there will be a camera handy for future blackmail. If I win, which I will, you will have to wear… (She pauses as she thinks of the most degrading thing possible for him to wear.) Panty hose, mini-skirt, tube top and stilettos. And, of course, the makeup.

(Julian stares in shock at her, throwing in a couple of incredulous blinks. He quickly wipes the aghast look from his face to think of something equally degrading for Jenny to wear. A wicked smile curls his lips as he decides.)

Julian (smug): You have to wear… The Shamrock. 

Jenny (squeaking): Anything else…? 

Julian: Nope. Just The Shamrock. 

Jenny (clearing throat in surprise): Ok… For how long? Remainder of the Game? 

Julian (content that he has a good chance of seeing Jenny wandering around in nothing but a shamrock until noon): Sounds like a plan. On my count of three. One. Two. Three!

(Any and all necessary articles of clothing for this competition disappear and in their place, a set of coconuts reappear. A timer starts ticking somewhere. Both of them, especially Julian, start shifting uncomfortably. At exactly the same second, both of them are so fed up with the coconuts, they rip them off, to be replaced by their previous article of clothing.)

Jenny (uncertain): Umm… so now what do we do?

Julian: Well, since neither of us won, that means were both losers. 

Jenny: But that also means that neither of us is a winner. 

Julian: Well, how about we both do it? Maybe minus the makeup, and I'll give you a shirt or something…

Jenny: Ok, minus the makeup.

(Julian snaps his fingers, and both of them are in their respective articles of clothing, or in Jenny's case, lack thereof. He didn't give her a shirt.)  
  


Jenny (noticing that she was minus a shirt and Julian was staring blatantly at the area below her throat): JULIAN! YOU GIVE ME THAT SHIRT OR I WILL SMACK THE CRAP OUT OF YOU! 

Julian: You'll have to catch me first!

(Julian waves his arms like a chicken and he appears, full sized, out of the toaster.)

Jenny: Awwhhh shiiit…. I'm tiny, topless, and trapped!

(Julian has a smug smirk on his face. Jenny is nearing hysteria. She is running around the rather hot coils of the toaster rack like a thing possessed, shrieking the whole while.)

Julian (amused): Maybe I should keep you in there. You're highly entertaining when you're that desperate. 

Jenny (death-glaring him): Hey Mister! That is _no_ way to treat a lady! At _least_ give me back those coconuts!! Or give me some shoes! It's REALLY hot in here!

Julian (relenting): Oh fine…

(Julian waves his arms around like a chicken again, and he is shrunk inside the toaster again.)

Julian: HEY! IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO DO THAT!!!!

(Jenny snickers quietly. Julian death-glares her.)

Julian (annoyed): Hey, just remember I'm the one that can give you a shirt!

Jenny (mockingly sweet): And just remember that _you _are the one in the mini skirt and fishnets. Besides, _I _have the camera! 

(Julian yells. Loudly. They run around the toaster, Julian trying to get a hold of the camera to take pictures of Jenny for his private stash, and Jenny trying to snap a picture of Julian in his full cross-dressed garb so she can give it to all the other Shadow Men, for the sake of payback. Julian catches her, and wrestles the camera out of her hands.)

Jenny (huffing slightly with the heat and exertion): Ha-ha… Julian is dumb! You could've just made your own damn camera! I mean, _YOU'RE_ the ShadowMan! Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!! 

(While Julian is looking scared, Jenny grabs the camera out of his slack hands.)

Julian (snapping out of his fear-induced trance): Wh-HEY! 

(Jenny continues laughing hysterically for some time, and Julian looks kind of scared again. Nevertheless, he sneaks up and slides the camera from Jenny's grip. Jenny notices, and she immediately shuts up.)

Julian: Do you have ADHD?

(Jenny looks hurt, and she pouts, arms crossed over her (still naked) chest childishly (Like Julian on the US cover of _The Kill_). Julian rolls his eyes, and brings the camera to his face and takes a picture.)  
  
Julian: Click.

(Jenny goes psychotic. Enough said.)

Jenny: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Julian: …

(Jenny is running around like a headless chicken, screaming wordlessly. Julian stands there, leaning against the toaster coils, camera swinging from its strap from around his hand. He watches Jenny with a look of vague appreciation and a smug smile on his face.)

Jenny (calming down): What'd you do that for?!

Julian: Hey, it was _you _who said that the camera was there for blackmail purposes!

Jenny (glaring): I didn't mean for _you…_I was talking about _me!_

Julian (flatly): It goes both ways, sugar.

Jenny (annoyed): Don't call me sugar!

Julian: It's not like you can stop me! Sugar! Sugar! Sugarsugarsugarsugarsugarsugar!!!

(Jenny stuffs her fingers in her ears and runs up to Julian, and kicks him. In the nuts. Hard.) 

Julian (three octaves higher then normal and sinking down to his knees, which is complicated by the miniskirt): OW! Why'd you go and do that?!

Jenny (annoyed): You took a picture of me! And you _never _shut up! Aren't you supposed to babble on about light and darkness and image and reality and how the whole world is doomed to fail so we have to repopulate the planet, and _not _about using a camera to take pictures of your naked girlfriend? 

Julian (voice getting back to normal): Hey! You are _not _naked! You're still wearing The Shamrock!

Jenny: Hey, even _you _called it a sorry excuse for a bathing suit!

Julian: Touché

Jenny: Can we get out of here? And can I _please_ have a shirt now??? Besides, I _did_ catch you!

Julian: No you didn't.

(Jenny runs into him suddenly, knocking him over.)

Julian (leering): I didn't know you wanted to take a break from the Game…

Jenny (smacking Julian upside the head): No you moron, I just caught you!

Julian (dawning realization on his face): Damn it! 

(Jenny snickers at him, still on top of him.)

Julian: You know Jenny, you look damn hot in that shamrock. 

Jenny (smug): I know. Despite the fact that I _DON'T HAVE A SHIRT!_

(An uncomfortable silence ensues, Jenny still on top of Julian, waiting for him to get her a shirt.)

Julian: Err… Jenny… why are you still on top of me?

Jenny: I'm waiting for you to give me a shirt. 

Julian: I could do that if you weren't on top of me. 

Jenny: Sure, sure. You just wanna get a free look-see. 

Julian: Am I getting _that_ predictable?

Jenny: 'Fraid so. 

Julian (resigned): Fine…

(Jenny is back in her coconuts.)

Jenny (shrieking): NO WAY! NOOO! I HATE YOU, YOU FATUOUS LECHER YOU!

Julian (smirking): You like me that way, and you know it.

(Jenny's eyes widen, her mouth drops open, and she smacks Julian across the face. Really hard.)

Jenny: Don't flatter yourself. Now, if you wouldn't mind unshrinking me, I'll be on my merry way, beating you in this game in which I have no idea what the stakes are. 

Julian: Pick one.

Jenny (confused): What?

Julian: You want to be unshrunk, or have your questions answered? Pick one.

(Jenny looks deadpan.)

Jenny: No shit Sherlock which one I'm going to pick. Unshrink me. And back to my normal size! No more funny business!

(Julian looks dejected, as if his plans were ruined. Which they were.)

Julian: Ok, fine, fine…

(Julian waves his arms like a chicken for the third time, and both of them are back in Jenny's kitchen. Julian ended up standing in the puddle of meatloaf goo.)

Julian: Eww… gross…

(Jenny is shifting uncomfortably in her coconuts.)

Julian: Something wrong, m'dear?

Jenny: Yeah… these seem tighter…. (dawning realization spreads across her face) Hey! You made my boobs bigger! (looks hurt) Didn't you _like_ them before…?

Julian: Sure I did. Now I like 'em better. You sure you'd rather not go sans-coconut?

Jenny (glaring): I'm sure… You just made a huge problem involving my underwear drawer. Now I'm going to have to buy a whole lot of new bras! Meanie…

Julian: Well then. I'll have to take you shopping. 

Jenny: Really?! Yay! And now I can use that MasterCard that you tried to get away from me after you gave it to me…

(Jenny shoots a glare at him. Julian looks rather sheepish, and clears his throat.)

Julian: *Ahem* Well. _You _have a Game to finish. So I'll just be on my way… 

(Julian kapoofs and he's gone. Jenny rolls her eyes in annoyance.) 

Jenny: Lot of help he was. O well. Whatever. Lets take a look-see inside this here egg. 

(Jenny opens the egg, and there's a tiny plastic ice cream cone with a tiny scoop of plastic strawberry ice cream. Jenny looks slightly confused, and her brow knits in thought, complete with tiny knitting needles and a ball of blue yarn.)

Jenny: What the hell…? 

(She reaches up and takes off the large band of blue sweater starting to form around her forehead. She then returns to her rather slow thought processes, and another band of knitting wraps around her forehead.) 

Jenny: Maybe if I keep thinking, it'll make me a sweater… God knows that whatever this clue is, it's gunna be somewhere cold, and these coconuts are none too warm either. 

(Jenny paces the kitchen, the blue sweater on her head slowly growing larger. When she finally figures out that the clue is hidden in the silverware drawer, which contains an ice cream scooper, the knitting needles and yarn disappear, leaving Jenny with a sweater on her head.)

Jenny: Ahh (relieved), now I can finally get out of these coconuts!

(Jenny reaches up to pull the sweater off her head. It doesn't work. Her hair, as it seems, had turned into the yarn, which had been knitted into the sweater. She pulls on it, trying to dislodge the mass of blue yarn. Jenny, being a moron, fails to realize that her hair _is_ the sweater, continues to tug on it.)

Jenny (yelling): OW! What the hell?! DAMN IT JULIAN! YOU HAVE PSYCHO KNITTING NEEDLES!

(There's no answer from anywhere in the kitchen.)

Jenny (exceedingly pissed): Bloody ShadowMan… How can he _not_ understand that hair is NOT meant to be made into a sweater…? He must have been very repressed as a child…

(Jenny stalks angrily over to the silverware drawer. Glaring at it, she yanks it open. Inside is not, however, silverware. Or even the ice-cream scooper. It was a void. A big, black, bottomless hole.)

Jenny (shocked, eyes wide): What the fuck…?

(She, being Jenny Lint-for-Brains Thornton, sticks her hand in; completely ignorant of what could be lurking in its void-y depths.)

Creepy Voice (slow and chanty): OOGA… BOOGA… DOOGA… DOO….

Jenny (very confused, but relatively unfrightened, due to being around Julian fro so long): What the hell…? Who the heck is living in my silverware drawer?

Creepy Voice: I am the History Test From Hell…

Jenny: Then why aren't you at my desk? I mean, you're in a silverware drawer. Doesn't that strike you as a little odd?

History Test From Hell: I am the History Test From Hell. I can be wherever I want. 

Jenny: Yeah, but you're in a silverware drawer. 

History Test From Hell: Yeah, so? I mean, I have just as much right to be in a silverware drawer as you do!

Jenny: But _why?_

History Test From Hell: Because I feel like it!

Jenny: Fair enough. Are there any Easter eggs in there, by any chance?

History Test From Hell: You can come in and look if you want. There aren't many visitors into the silverware drawer after all. 

Jenny (suspicious): Last time I went into a strange piece of kitchen, I was made to wear a Shamrock and a coconut bra and got my hair turned into a sweater. How can I be sure you won't do something equally degrading? And how can I be sure you're not Julian _dressed_ as a History Test From Hell??? Hmm? Answer me that!

History Test From Hell: Damn. It was the penguin wasn't it? Damn thing always taking my ideas… Well, I promise I won't do anything dumb.

Jenny (reluctant): Well… ok…

(History Test From Hell starts making funny noises, some of which sound vaguely like 'Monroe Doctrine' and 'American Containment Policy in Southeast Asia'. Jenny shudders, bad memories surfacing from US History two years prior. All of a sudden, the chanting stops, and Jenny is hurled into the silverware drawer by a giant ice cream scoop.)

Jenny (screaming): WHA!!! AGH! WHAT THE HELL?! 

(Jenny lands with a muffled "thwump" on the bottom of the void, if that's even possible. The only light is coming from the rectangular patch of light from the kitchen outside the drawer. A giant scan-tron sheet is standing upright near her. In the Name block, there is written History Test From Hell in block-lettering. The only thing that ruined the imposing piece of paper's presence is the giant red and yellow umbrella-hat adorning the top.)

Jenny (slightly confused): Umm… why are you wearing an umbrella-hat?

History Test From Hell (annoyed): What? Are you denying my right to wear an umbrella hat? I have just as much right to wear an umbrella-hat as you do!

Jenny (defensive): Ok, ok… yeesh. Calm down. (collecting herself) Ok. Two things. Do you know what time it is?

History Test From Hell (acting very superior): Why of course I do. I'm not daft. 

Jenny (expecting a response): Yeah… so? What time is it?

History Test From Hell: Hey! Don't get all snooty with me!

Jenny (flustered at this bratty history test): Ok, calm down! Will you please tell me what time it is?

History Test From Hell: Well. It depends. What's in it for me?

Jenny (cautious, owing in large to her past experiences with owing something in a Game world something): What… do you have in mind…?

History Test From Hell: That's for me to know and you to find out! Heehee! 

(Jenny takes long, calming breaths, trying to keep herself from getting angry at this annoying son-of-a-bitch piece of scan-tron with an umbrella on its head.)

Jenny: That doesn't help me much.

History Test From Hell: Oh! So it's all about YOU now! If you're going to be selfish, I'm not going to say anything at all!

Jenny (astounded at this drawer-dwelling, umbrella-wearing History test): Well, I need to know what the hell it is you want! I don't even know if I can give it to you if I don't know what it is!

History Test From Hell (comically offended): Well I'm not gunna say _anything_ if you take that tone with me missy!

Jenny (really getting annoyed): Will you just tell what time it is?!

History Test From Hell: Fine, if you want it so badly, you little whiner. It's 11:30. 

Jenny (still mildly flustered): Thank you. See how easily things get done when you actually answer my question?

History Test From Hell (annoyed again): What are you saying?! That I should be your slave and do all your bidding?! I think not!!

(Jenny, while very annoyed, knows that if she isn't polite in the most extreme extent, she will never make the time limit that was fast approaching. Deciding to ignore the History Test From Hell, she walks around looking for any Easter Eggs that happen to be lying around in the Silverware Drawer from the Fifth Dimension. When she moves around behind the History Test From Hell, she hears a tiny squeaking noise, like rubber on a wood floor. She whirls, seeing as how the noise came from behind her. She sees a small red _thing_ scurry out of her vision before she can identify it. Deciding to be more careful, seeing as how she's only armed with a sweater on her head, a Shamrock and a pair of coconuts, she slowly turns around, continuing with her search. Suddenly, the History Test From Hell yelps and falls over on top of Jenny.)

Jenny (more frightened at being touched by the History Test From Hell then actually being crushed underneath it): AHH! WHAT THE HELL?! GET OFF ME! 

(While Jenny was screaming at the giant piece of evil paper, the umbrella hat had fallen off. Underneath, out spilled a small bright blue egg, as well as a tiny empty plastic candy package. The script was written in German, which Jenny was completely hopeless at. On the package was a yellow bunny rabbit with a big read bow on its neck holding one of its arms at a falling cascade of red, yellow, and green blobs. After examining the package briefly, Jenny tried in vain to push the History Test From Hell off of her. She then heard the rubber-on-wood squeaking off to her left, and she turned quickly, as best she could.)

Jenny (eyes wide and frightened): What if it's a mutant shoe? A fetus ShadowMan? A German Gummy Bunny? 

(Growing increasingly frightened, she increased her struggles. She finally, after much whacking, wriggling, and overall cursing Theodore Roosevelt and his pseudo-Communist ideals, she was free from the squshèd-ness of being pinned underneath the History Test From Hell. The shoe-on-wood squeaking got louder and more frequent, and a tiny herd of little red, white, yellow and green blobs came barreling towards her. She didn't even have time to get to her feet before they carried her off, _Gulliver's Travels _style, and took her deeper into the dark of the Silverware Drawer From the Fifth Dimension.)  
  


Jenny (very frightened and disturbed by the feeling of tiny little German Gummy Bunnies carrying her away): WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU TAKING ME?!?! HEEEELLLLPPPP!!!!

German Gummy Bunny #1: To Our Leader…

The rest of the German Gummy Bunnies (chanting, mantra like): Our Leader, Our Leader, Our Leader! 

Jenny: And who, exactly, _is_ this Leader of yours?

German Gummy Bunny #2: He is wise and great. He is the Gummiest of All!

The rest of the German Gummy Bunnies (yet again chanting, mantra like, like drones): Gummiest of all, Gummiest of all, Gummiest of all! 

Jenny (sarcastic): Thanks. Real helpful there…

(They arrive in a big plastic-draped room, like a really, REALLY big version of the wrappers Jenny found hiding under the Umbrella Hat of the History Test From Hell. It was also very, very hot. She was glad, surprisingly, that she was only wearing The Shamrock and a coconut bra. It was like a bathing suit, only ten times more uncomfortable. The horde of German Gummy Bunnies dropped her unceremoniously at the foot of a large, round plastic box, with a label on it proclaiming its contents: more German script and a picture of that deranged yellow rabbit with what Jenny just realized as little tiny German Gummy Bunnies falling behind it. Inside the box was a _very_ large German Gummy Bunny. At Jenny's deposit on the floor, the large red German Gummy Bunny unfolded itself from its curled position and attempted to free itself from the box. It, however, got stuck on the lid.)

The Leader of the German Gummy Bunnies: (is speaking at Jenny in German, which she cant understand at all.)

Jenny: Umm… I can't understand you. Do you speak English?

The Leader of the German Gummy Bunnies (thickly accented, but sounding vaguely familiar): I do. Help me get out of here! Don't just stand there looking like a deaf doorknob!

Jenny (miffed): Well, if that's the way you're going to be about it, I don't think I'll help you!

The Leader of the German Gummy Bunnies: Just help me anyways!

(Jenny relents, getting up off the floor and pulling the lid off the cylindrical box. The Leader of the German Gummy Bunnies climbed out, but tripped when it tried to get over the edge. It fell over, as did the box, and right on top of Jenny.)

The Leader of the German Gummy Bunnies: Terribly sorry about that! 

(Despite his apology, the Leader of the German Gummy Bunnies doesn't get off of Jenny. He subtly shifted enough so he was pinning her down, short, stubby, Gummy arms pinning hers down with their gelatinous force.)

Jenny: You can get off me now. 

The Leader of the German Gummy Bunnies (dropping the accent completely): And why would I want to do that?

Jenny (shocked): JULIAN! GET THE FUCK OFF ME! 

Julian (leering): I can agree with the 'fuck' part of the statement. 

Jenny: Julian, you crack head, that's a modifier and NOT the verb! 

Julian (who is still in his Leader of the German Gummy Bunnies suit): Aww… Damn. Why do you always have to go and ruin my fun…?

Jenny: I wouldn't have to if you didn't attack me with hordes of German Gummy Bunnies! Now, please, get off me before I remove bits of your male anatomy to add to my growing collection from past boyfriends (Note: Jenny never really liked Tom, so she cheated on him with about half of the football team. She made them swear, on pain of castration, never to say anything to anybody. They were all too scared of her when she waved around that carving knife to ever breathe a word of it to anyone. When they got close to spilling the beans, the image of her with the machete in her hands would pop into their heads, and would shut their trap if they knew what was good for them. It worked quite well.)!

Julian (immediately jumping off and helping her to her feet gingerly): Ah! Ah! Sorry Jenny! 

(An uncomfortable silence falls, and then Julian finally clears his throat, and removes the giant German Gummy Bunny helmet he was wearing. Jenny opens the egg she found in the History Test From Hell's Umbrella Hat. Inside, is a wrapper for, you guessed it, German Gummy Bunnies. She groaned.)

Jenny: How convenient. O well. At least I'm where I'm supposed to be for once. 

(A bell tolls, sounding remarkably like a Cuckoo Clock, which just so happened to be in the giant plastic wrappered room. Time, apparently, was up.)

Jenny (suddenly eager): So! Did I win?

Julian (smirking evilly): Nope.

Jenny (shocked into a whisper): What?

Julian (still smirking): Nope. You didn't win the Game.

Jenny (regaining her voice): WHAT! After the Mutant Meatloaf Monster, the Attack Ketchup, the whole Toaster fiasco, having to wear this Shamrock and bits of a coconut, having my hair turned into a sweater, being yapped at by a snippety History Test From Hell, which looked _completely_ ridiculous in that Umbrella Hat, and being abducted by German Gummy Bunnies, you're saying I _didn't win?_ WHAT THE HELL!?

Julian (looking smug): Nope.

Jenny (flopping onto the ground in defeat): What…? What did I do wrong…?

Julian (looking superior, and still smug): It wasn't toast crumbs that were the clue, dearie.

Jenny (in a state of shock): Then what…?

Julian: The condom was the clue.

The End until Next Time!

A/N: AHAHAHA!!! *is busy laughing at this whole shebang* Hehe… that was highly entertaining to write. And though I feel guilty about this not being out until now, I'm glad that it turned out this way. Hehehehe…

Next up, Fourth of July!


End file.
